Blonde jokes

//Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes



Blonde jokes

Q: How did the blonde lawyer sway the judge?
A: She dropped her briefs

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Q: Did you hear about the blonde football player?
A: She was an excellent wide receiver
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Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was
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Q: Why does a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
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Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes?
A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.
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Q: What’s a Blonde’s favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply
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Q: How did the Blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her
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Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
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Q: Why did the Blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side
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Q: Why did the Blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car
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Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!
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Q: Why couldn’t the blonde dial 911?
A: She couldn’t find the Eleven.
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Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.
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Q: What does a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: You can put three fingers in both of them, throw them in the gutter, and they’ll still come back for more.
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Q: Why don’t blondes like making Kool-Aid?
A: Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
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Q: What do blondes and dog poo have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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Q: Why was the blondes’ belly button sore?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
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Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
A: Because she kept throwing away all of the W’s
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Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said ‘concentrate’
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Q: How are blondes like peanut-butter?
A: They spread for the bread.
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.
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Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4
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Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
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Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Put “please flip over” on both sides of a piece of paper!
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Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
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Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
A: They get laid all over the country.
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Q: What’s every blonde’s dream in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.
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Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
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Q: Why do blondes always want boob jobs?
A: Because it’s the only job they are qualified for
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Q: Why don’t Blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees
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Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she’s pregnant
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Q: Why is the Blonde’s brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night
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Q: What does a blonde and a tornado have in common?
A: At first there’s a lot of sucking and blowing and then you lose your house!
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Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
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Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
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Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
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Q: What’s five miles long and has an IQ of 40?
A: A blonde parade
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Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin
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Q: Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?
A: She was trying to make apple juice.
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Q: Where do you look for a blonde’s obituary?
A: Under “Home Improvements”
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Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?
A: Divorcee
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Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted
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Q: What do you call a blonde who never showers?
A: A dirty blonde
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Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
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Q: Why don’t blondes talk while having sex?
A: Their moms told them NEVER to talk to strangers.
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Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
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Q: Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
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Q: Why aren’t blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can’t even keep two calves together!
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Q: How do you make a Blonde’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear
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Q: Why do Blondes have “TGIF” written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First
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Q: What do you call a Blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block
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Q: What do you call a Blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year’s hide and seek champ
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Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License?
A: Because she got an F in sex
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Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out of it.
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Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 2 years
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Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
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Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”
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Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
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Q: What happens when a Blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
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Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a Blonde’s head?
A: A Space Invader
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Q: How did the Blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree
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Q: What does a Blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It’s on, It’s off, It’s on, It’s off, It’s on, It’s off.
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Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar
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Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
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Q: Why can’t blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can’t keep their calves together!
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Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde’s butt?
A: A brain tumor
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Q: How can you tell if a Blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
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Q: What are the worst six years in a Blonde’s life?
A: Fifth Grade
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Q: How did the Blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries
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Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
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Q: What do you get when you put two blondes in the freezer?
A: Frosted flakes
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Q: How do you know when a blond’s been in your fridge?
A: There’s lipstick on the cucumbers
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Q: How can you tell when a fax has been sent by a Blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it
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Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?
A: You have to hollow out the head
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Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
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Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday
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Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
A: She wanted a lot of male in her box.
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Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her drinks are on the house
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Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”
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Q: What’s the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
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Q: Why did the blonde keep doing the backstroke?
A: She just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.
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Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Last Blonde jokes

▶» How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
-Tell her a joke on Wednesday!

▶» What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: “Are you sure it’s mine?”

▶» Why don’t blondes talk while having sex?
-Their moms told them NEVER to talk to strangers.

▶»How do you kill a blonde?
-Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

▶» Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
-Because they can’t get their head in the jar.

▶» What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
-Artificial intelligence.

▶» What did the blonde think of the new computer?
-She didn’t like it ‘cos she couldn’t get channel 9….

▶» When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
-When you have a tire pump to re-inflate it!

▶» What did the blonde name her watch dogs?
-Timex and Rolex.

▶» How do you get a blonde pregnant?
-Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

▶» Why did the blonde tattoo her zip-code on her thigh?
-She wanted a lot of male in her box.

▶» How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
– Shine a flashlight in their ear.

▶» What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
-Humpme Dumpme.



▶» How do blonde brain cells die?
-Alone.

▶» How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
chip cookies?-You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

▶» If Tarzan and Jane were blondes, what would Cheetah be?
-The smartest of the three.

▶» What do you call a zit on a blondes butt?
-A brain tumor.

▶» Why do blondes wear their hair up?
-To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

▶» A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal
her window seat?
-Tell her the seats that are going to London are
all in the middle row.

▶» What’s the similarity between a blonde and a plate of Jello?
-They both quiver when you eat them.

▶» Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
– It’s too hard to retrain them.

▶» Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
-Because he didn’t want them shitting in the streets during parades

▶» What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
– Run like Hell….she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

▶» What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
– Proofreading.

▶» Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
– To see what was on the other side.

▶» How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
– She threw it off a cliff.

▶» How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
-She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can’t find her pencil.

▶» How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? –
When she trips over the cordless phone.

▶» How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
-Three. One to mix the batter, two to peel the M&Ms.

▶» Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
-Because it said “concentrate”!

 

By | 2017-10-24T20:52:10+00:00 juli 11th, 2017|Funny jokes|0 Comments

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