Dead baby jokes

//Dead baby jokes

Dead baby jokes



Dead baby jokes

Q: Why did the family take the dead baby along on the cookout?
A: So they could light it and toast their marshmallows.
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Q: Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
A: The family used it to crack nuts.
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Q: Why do people keep dead babies in the rec. room?
A: They cut off one leg and use it as a ping pong paddle.
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Q: Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on their faces.
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Q: Why do they boil water when a baby is being born?
A: So that if its born dead they can make soup.
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Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.
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Q: How do you get them out again?
A: With Doritos.
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Q: What do you call two abortions in a bucket?
A: Blood brothers.
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Q: What is red and is creeping up your leg?
A: An abortion with homesickness.
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Q: What is a foot long and can make a woman scream?
A: Stillbirth.
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Q: What is a foot long, blue, and makes women scream in the morning?
A: Crib death.
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Q: What is brown and gurgles?
A: A baby in a casserole.
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Q: What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
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Q: What is black and goes up and down?
A: A baby in a toaster.
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Q: What is red and hangs out of the back of a train?
A: A miscarriage.
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Q: What is red and goes round and round?
A: A baby in a garbage disposal.
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Q: What is blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A: A baby with a punctured lung.
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Q: What is cold, blue and doesn’t move?
A: A baby in your freezer.
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Q: What is pink, flies and squeals?
A: A baby fired from a catapult.
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Q: What do you call the baby when it lands?
A: Free pizza.
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Q: What is red and has more brains than the baby you just shot?
A: The wall behind it.
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Q: What is white and glows pink?
A dead baby with an electrode up its ass.
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Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.
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Q: What is red and pink and can’t turn round in a corridor?
A: A baby with a javelin through its throat.
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Q: What is little and can’t fit through a door?
A: A baby with a spear in its head.
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Q: What is the definition of fun?
A: Playing fetch with a pitbull and a baby.
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Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A doberman on a children’s playground.
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Q: What has 10 arms and blood all over it?
A: A pitbull in front of a pile of dead babies.
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Q: What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: A baby in a microwave.
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Q: What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
A: Baby with slashed floaties.
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Q: What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.
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Q: What is red and hangs around trees?
A: A baby hit by a snow blower.
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Q: What is green and hangs around trees?
A: Same baby 3 weeks later.
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Q: What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
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Q: What is pink and goes black with a “hiss.”?
A: A baby thrown into a furnace.
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Q: How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
A: It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
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Q: How many babies fit in a blender?
A: Depends on how powerful the blender is.
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Q: How do you know when a baby is dead?
A: It doesn’t cry if you nail its feet to the ceiling.
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Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
A: Jab ’em all with a pitchfork.
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Q: How do you save a drowning baby?
A: Harpoon it.
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Q: What is funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown costume.
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Q: What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up the baby.
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Q: What is the difference between a dead baby and a water melon?
A: One’s fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other one’s a water melon.
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Q: What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
A: Dart-boards don’t bleed.
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What is the difference between a baby and a mars bar?
A: About 500 calories.
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Q: What is more fun than throwing a baby off the cliff?
A: Catching it with a pitchfork.
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Q: What is more fun than swinging babies around on a clothesline?
A: Stopping them with a shovel.
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Q: What is more fun than shoveling dead babies off your porch?
A: Doing it with a snow blower.
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Q: What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it’s hair with a potato peeler.
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Q: What is red and sits in the corner?
A: A baby with razor blades.
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Q: Wha
t is blue and sits in the corner?
A: A baby in a baggie.
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Q: What is black and sits in a corner?
A: A baby with it’s finger in a power socket.
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Q: What is green and sits in the corner?
A: Same baby two weeks later.
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Q: What is black and charred?
A: A baby chewing on an extension cord.
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Q: How do you turn a baby into a dog?
A: Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.
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Q: How do you turn a baby into a cat?
A: Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.
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Q: How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
A: With a blender.
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Q: What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A: A baby tied to the back of a truck.
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Q: What is red and pink and hanging out of your dog’s mouth?
A: Your baby’s leg.
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Q: What present do you get for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.
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Q: What is grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
A: One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
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Q: What is red and swings back and forth?
A: A baby on a meat hook.
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Q: What is red, screams, and goes around in circles?
A: A baby nailed to the floor.
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Q: What is black and white, runs around the room, and smokes?
A: A baby with his hair on fire.
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Q: What is more fun than nailing a baby to a wall?
A: Ripping it off again.
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Q: How many dead babies would it take to paint your house red?
A: Well, that depends on how hard you throw them.



Q: How else do you make a dead baby float?
A: 1 cup of root beer and 2 scoops of dead baby.
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Q: What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
A: The VHS tape don’t stink when you leave it out in the sun.
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Q: How it a trampoline different from a dead baby?
A: I take off my cleats before jumping on a trampoline
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Q: How do you get a baby to run faster?
A: Chase it with the lawn mower.
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Q: How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as -it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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Q: What is red and pink and can’t turn round in a corridor?
A: A baby with a javelin through its throat.
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Q: Why do you put babies into blenders feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on their faces.
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Q: What is pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
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Q: What is the difference between a deer and a baby?
A: I don’t have a deer head mounted above my mantle.
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Q: What is red and hangs around trees?
A: A baby hit by a snow blower.
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Q: How do you get a baby to run faster?
A: Chase it with the lawn mower
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Q: What is the difference between a baby and a onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up the baby.
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Q: How are babies and the elderly alike?
A: Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
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Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
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Q: What’s the difference between a soccer ball and a baby?
A: I’ve never kicked a soccer ball over 50 yards.
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Q: What’s the difference between a baby and a pizza?
A: A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.
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Q: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can?
A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can.
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Q: How many dead baby’s does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depend on how good you are at stacking them.
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Q: What do vegetarian dingoes eat?
A: Cabbage patch kids.
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Q: What”s the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
A: You don”t wear boots when you jump on a trampoline.
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Q: What”s funnier than a dead baby in a trash can lid?
A: A trash can lid in a dead baby.
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Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a pram?
A: Meals on wheels.
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Q: Why did the tree fall over?
A: The koala never let go.
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Q: What’s red and white and keeps getting smaller?
A: A baby combing its hair with a potato peeler.
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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a room?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

By | 2017-10-23T20:13:30+00:00 juli 12th, 2017|Funny jokes|0 Comments

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