Stupid jokes

//Stupid jokes

Stupid jokes

Stupid jokes

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Everything’s fine. He woke up.
—-

What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?
Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

Why don’t teddy bears ever order dessert.
Because they’re always stuffed.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
It gets toad away.
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What’s so great about being a hitman?
They all kill it.
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Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
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What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck?
“You can stay. Just don’t try to start anything.”
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A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.
Thank goodness it was a soft drink.
—-

What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
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What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.
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Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
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How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
—-

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
One says, “Spit out your gum” and the other says, “Choo choo choo.”
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What did the janitor yell after he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.
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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
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Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?
He’s all right now.
—-

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
—-

What do computers snack on?
Microchips.
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How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
—-

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You’re too young to smoke.
—–

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A Juan on Juan.
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What’s the tallest building in the world?
The library, cause it has the most stories.
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What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
Wipes his ass.
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Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because he had a great fall.
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I went to the bank the other day and asked the teller to check my balance.
The bitch pushed me, but I couldn’t really blame her.
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Money doesn’t grow on trees, right?
Why did the pig leave the party early?
Because everyone thought he was a boar.
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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
There’s no point.
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Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.
The police better be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
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Why are barns so noisy?
Because all the cows have horns.
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What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?
A waist of time.
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How do trees get online?
They log in.
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Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
—–

What car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.

 

By | 2017-08-11T22:32:29+00:00 juli 30th, 2017|Funny jokes|0 Comments

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