Women jokes

//Women jokes

Women jokes

Women jokes

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don’t have balls.
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Q: What do you call a woman who loves small dicks?
A: Hopefully your girlfriend.
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Q: Why is a female like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the shit out of you.
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Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $4.99 a minute.
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Q: What are the small bumps around a woman’s nipples for?
A: It’s Braille for “suck here”.
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Q: What do you call a woman with no clitoris?
A: It doesn’t matter, she’s not going to come.
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Q: What did one girl firefly say to the other?
A: You glow girl!
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Q: Why are men sexier than women?
A: You can’t spell sexy without xy.
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Q: Why does a man like to see two women kiss each other?
A: Two less mouths that are bitching.
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Q: Why can’t women drive?
A: Because there’s no road between the kitchen and the bedroom
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Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
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Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
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Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, feminists can’t change anything.
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Q: What do you call a woman who can’t make sandwiches?
A: Single.
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Q: What do you call a married woman vacuuming?
A: Doing what he’s told…
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Q: How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?
A: She fits into your wife’s clothes.
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Q: Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?
A: Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
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Q: What’s the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
A: a knife has a point.
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Q: How much money do you need to satisfy a woman?
A: It is always just a little bit more.
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Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they’re not on your dick they’re in your wallet.
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Q: What do you call a woman who will gives blowjobs for a pair of Jimmy Choos?
A: Head Over Heels
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Q: Why did God invent the yeast infection?
A: So women know what it’s like to live with an irritating cunt.
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Q: Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A: They don’t have time.
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Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A: 45 lbs.
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Q: What kind of girlfriend does a potato wants?
A: A sweet potato.
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Q: What is a vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
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Q: How is a woman like an airplane?
A: Both have cockpits.
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Q: What takes up 12 parking spaces?
A: 6 Women drivers.
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Q: Why does Beyonce say to the left to the left to the left and not to the right to the right to the right?
A: Women don’t have rights.
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Q: Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A: They can’t stand to see a man have a good time!
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Q: What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: A $100 bill.
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Q: What do you give a woman with everything?
A: Penicillin.
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Q: What do you call a woman covered in tatoos?
A: Muriel.
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Q: What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can’t?
A: Cum in five different flavours. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
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Q: What’s the smartest thing to ever come out a woman’s mouth?
A: Einstein’s cock…
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
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Q: A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
A: The man, he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
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Q: What do you call a hot Indian girl?
A: Bomb Bae
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Q: How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.
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Q: What is woman spelled backwards?
A: Kitchen. Female Viagra has been around for years……it’s called money!
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Q: What’s the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator is easier to defrost.
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Q: What book do women like the most?
A: “Their husbands checkbook!”
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Q: Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t find a singing partner?
A: She had to buy a duet yourself kit
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Q: Whats another meaning for a women?
A: Finger puppet
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Q: What do girls and noodles have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them.
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Q: What do you call a letter from a feminist?
A: Hate male.
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Q: What is the definition of eternity?
A: The time that elapses from when you come till she goes.
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Q: What do you call a woman that has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
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Q: What do you call a sunburnt girl with a yeast infection?
A: Grilled cheese
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Q: What’s easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
A: Women.
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Q. Why do women talk so much?
A. Because they have two sets of lips.
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Q: What worse than finding out your wife’s got cancer?
A: Finding out it’s curable.
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Q: What’s the difference between your bonus and your dick?
A:You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.
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Q: What do you call a woman with an opinion?
A: Wrong.
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Q: What do you call a woman who can’t draw?
A: Tracy.
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Q: What does fucking a woman and cooking an egg in the microwave have in common?
A: Both end with a loud, annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean up.
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Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry It!
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Q: Why shouldn’t you lie to a woman with PMS & GPS?
A: Because she’s a bitch & she will find you.
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Q: Why do women fake orgasms ?
A: Because they think men care.
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Q: What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).
A: The internet, Telephone, Tell a woman
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Q: What do toys and womens breasts have in common?
A: They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with
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Q: What do you call a girl with Pms and Esp?
A: A bitch who thinks she knows everything.
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Q: What’s the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn’t moan when you put meat in it.
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Q: What is the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job still sucks.
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Q: Why did God create lesbians?
A: So feminists couldn’t breed.
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Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
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Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
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Q: Why are women like clouds?
A: Eventually they go away and its a nice day.
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Q: What is loud and obnoxious?
A: A woman.
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Q: Why is life like a penis?
A: Women make it hard!
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Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them.
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Q: What do you call a woman without an asshole?
A: SINGLE!
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Q: What’s the most common sleeping position of a woman?
A: Around.
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Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with an opinion?
A: Wong
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Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
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Q: Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised?
A: Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it’s 20% off
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Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
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Q: What do you call the new girl at the bank?
A: The Nutella!
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Q: Why do women wear underwear?
A: Because workplace health and safety states ‘all manholes must be covered when not in use’!
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Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.
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Q: When do women drink alcohol?
A: Wine O’Clock.
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Q: Why did God create orgasms?
A: So women can moan even when they’re happy.
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Q: How do you know when it’s time to get a new dishwasher?
A: When the old one expects you to “do your share”
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Q: Why did God make women?
A: You think he’s gonna wash the dishes?
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Q: What’s the difference between Jelly and Jam?
A: You can’t jelly a dick down a woman’s throat

 

 

By | 2017-08-11T22:33:51+00:00 juli 12th, 2017|Funny jokes|0 Comments

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